Saturday, August 16, 2003

See? I'm alive. Kinda.

I was sick right before my birthday (wednesday), and I had a lousy birthday (FX got sick just as I got better, and living with a sick baby is worse than just being sick yourself...and then they called Chris into work, for the whole night), but I'm alive now.

I'm 33. Woo. Still don't feel any different. I had hoped my birthday might be better. Or at least the weekend afterward. Nope. Chris was at work every night wed-fri, and sleeping when he was home.

Chris is off gaming with the freind who dislikes me. No, he only went because I insisted (I'm not going to make him stop hanging with someone just because I don't get along with them - Castrating Bitch is not my middle name.), don't slam him. I want him to have a life of SOME kind, even though Said Freind effectively pushed me out of all the games I was in (I call writing me out of storylines while I'm sitting there and abandoning any games I'm actually having fun playing "pushing me out"), and then asked Chris to keep me from bringing any handwork to keep my hands busy (basically to not bring me at all...Hello? ADD? I need multiple things to do to keep from going insane here..). But I'm not bitter, just PISSED at this guy's gall. I could go on, but I won't. Drama fixes nothing.

After Chris left I got really ... sad.

I don't have any freinds locally to go hang with. Acquaintances, people I know from SCA fighter practice, yes, but nobody really wants to get close since I made no secret of the fact that we are moving in October. It seems like a Why Bother kind of thing. I'm not super-social or anything, but I think I'm starting to go crazy in here by myself. I just wish I had someone to talk to in person that I had something in common with. Chris offered to have me drop him off so he could loan me the car today, but I couldn't think of anywhere I would go. I'm thinking this is bad.

I miss Chris. I know I see him every day, but just to feed him and watch him sleep. I'm feeling really ... cut off and lonely. bad lonely. I think I need to talk to him about this, but i have no idea where to start.

Chris says we'll get to go to the zoo tomorrow. i have not been to a zoo in YEARS. I just want to hold our SuperMonkeyChild up in froont of the monkey enclosure and listen to him have conversations with the inhabitants.


No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for commenting! Comments are moderated, so do not be alarmed if your comment doesn't show up immediately.